A Different Kind of Pinocchio

I know exactly where it came from but I still blame my mother.  I remember when I was barely old enough to walk, she would take me with her to prayer group.  I would sit on the floor and play while she and several other ladies would pray for each other, their children and their families.  Some years later, my mother told me they prayed for me to have a 'spirit of discernment'.  Thanks, Mom.  I'm still learning just how involved that particular request was.

I've never really 'fit in'.  It doesn't matter the situation; the truth is, deep down, I never feel like I belong.  Sure, I had great friends growing up and we made amazing memories but I was always the 'responsible' one.  The one who thought things through, who wouldn't take risks or compromise my standards because something sounded 'fun'.  I wasn't a social outcast, I just never felt like I was fully invested.  My inner 'Jiminy Cricket' would drive me bananas and I would turn tail and run from just about everything that was in the gray area of life.  I still do.

This doesn't mean that I always do the right thing.  Oh, absolutely not!  It just means I live in a black and white world.  I can look at a situation and immediately know right from wrong.  I can meet someone and within the first minute I have analyzed their character and determined their true intentions.  I'm intuitive, insightful & chocked full of wisdom.  It's increasingly frustrating & it constantly wreaks havoc on my social life.  I don't know how to be a normal woman.  I don't know how to pick clothes or discuss men or accesorize.  I try, oh boy, do I try.  But I'm never comfortable, I'm always out of my element & I leave wondering if I've made a fool of myself, again.  I'm insecure in every moment because my mind is already 1,000 steps ahead, thinking and planning and knowing right from wrong.

This is a daily, current struggle for me.  I know discernment and wisdom are gifts from God.  I know that He has already allowed me to use these in powerful ways and that He brings people into my life who need His direction and guidance which I can provide.  But it's a lonely path I travel.  I wonder if anyone can relate?
My Jesus can.  He has walked these steps before and He knows the hardships of 'knowing'.  It is my prayer, for myself, that I will continue to be different, that I will embrace the gift that makes me odd and that God will keep right on using everything He has equipped me with.